Words Matter! Disaffiliation or Separation – What is the Difference?

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”– Mark Twain

Current conversations within the Christian Reformed Church in North America (CRCNA) have gravitated toward a particular word – “disaffiliation.” Along with the word, the process of disaffiliation is also in discussion. The dialogues I’ve been privileged to take part in are layered with uncertainty, confusion, anger, fear, hopes and tears.

Part of that uncertainty has to do with this key question – “How do churches who disaffiliate from the CRCNA still connect with the CRCNA and their CRC brothers and sisters?” There will be churches that do not want to connect or associate with their former denomination, but there are many others who desire to stay close and serve together, where they can.

How then should we describe this new type of relationship? Is disaffiliation the right word?

Words carry images with them. They create pictures and emote responses in a reader’s mind and heart.  When crafted well these words create new realities and even whole new worlds.  As a result, I think it’s worth considering the impact this word – “disaffiliation” – has in our exchanges.

The word – disaffiliation – can carry the images of Matthew 10:14 – “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

The word – disaffiliation – can be layered with words like “good riddance” and give the picture of a turning away from one another as shaken-off dust lingers in the air.

Is that how we want to be known?

Is this reflective of the love that Jesus Christ asks of us to display for the whole world to see?

Maybe we need to find another word.

Acts 15:36-41 gives us a brief summary of an argument that took longer and caused more pain than contained in those few verses.

Barnabas who is also known as “son of encouragement” has been an encourager for Saul who became Paul.  Barnabas is the one who first brought Paul into the circle of apostles in Jerusalem.  They were close.  Paul and Barnabas were key ministry partners for each other and so many others.  And yet, they did not agree about bringing John Mark along for their next ministry journey.   What happened next?

39 And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other. Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. (Acts 15:39-40 ESV)

39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. (Acts 15:39-40 NIV)

For me the words and surrounding images from Acts 15:39-40 are closer to our current church reality than the words and dust of Matthew 10:14.

We are living through the in-between space where some are separating or parting company.  And like Paul and Barnabas, there has been a sharp disagreement.

There will be an ecclesiastical separation for some as they leave the governance and church order of the CRCNA, but both sides will be involved in ministry and who knows what ministry convergence is possible in the future.

My encouragement is that this chapter in our story is not finished and it is better to use words and images that allow for separating or parting well.

What are key words that can help define this separation well?  I offer these words – shared mission.

I may be wrong, but I invite us to wonder how Paul and Barnabas saw each other and their ministry as they parted from one another.

I pray that we have an outlook similar to Luke who wrote this vignette with the understanding that both Paul (now with Silas) and Barnabas (now with John Mark) would be on mission for Jesus Christ.

You may even recall that near the end of Paul’s earthly journey, he seems to have reconciled with both Barnabas and John Mark. (2 Timothy 4:11 and Colossians 4:10)

May we never cease seeking the “right” words as ambassadors for Jesus Christ.