Blessed are you when people insult you…
Thomas Merton collected several sayings from the desert fathers. Here is a saying/story I came across last week. As you read it, I ask you the question: How are insults a path to wisdom?
Once there was a disciple of a Greek philosopher who was commanded by his Master for three years to give money to everyone who insulted him. When this period of trial was over, the Master said to him: “Now you can go to Athens and learn wisdom.” When the disciple was entering Athens he met a certain wise man who sat at the gate insulting everybody who came and went. He also insulted the disciple who immediately burst out laughing. “Why do you laugh when I insult you?” said the wise man. “Because,” said the disciple, “for three years I have been paying for this kind of thing and now you give it to me for nothing.” “Enter the city,” said the wise man, “it is all yours.” Abbot John used to tell the above story saying: “This is the door of God by which our fathers rejoicing in many tribulations enter into the City of Heaven.”
So… how are insults a path to wisdom? Are they? So often we think of God speaking to us through people – and usually, I think , it is in their words of encouragement that we hear God’s voice. I don’t believe that God is in the insult-business, but might God shape us through insult and criticism? Or is it only in spite of these things that we grow in wisdom?
ooo! Interesting! (I particularly love that the name “Thomas Merton” appears in this post.) I guess that I like the story, even if I’m not sure why.
It kind of reminds me of deep joy. In this world, in order to experience the highest of joys, we have to experience the deepest of grievings. But when we get to Heaven, will we get joy “for free”?
It’s the closest I can come to getting a grasp on this concept. But I’ll mull over it. Thanks for the thought!
Betsy
Hmm…how thought-provoking! Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes of late: “Leadership that stays on-track with its vision and mission will attract the right people–and will _frustrate_ the right people.” (Henry Cloud in Nine Things A Leader Must Do). Just look at Jesus and the Pharisees! (Our Lord didn’t seem afraid to use the occasional zinger either… “brood of vipers”… “whitewashed tombs” and so on. (God may not be in the insult business, but maybe he dabbles in it?)(And what about God-fearing writer-about-God John Calvin, whose Institutes are virtual catalogues of vitriol?).
Anyways, this topic is extra-interesting for me since my father stayed away from church for thirty years because he was soul-sick of the controversies, politics, mud-slinging and so on. For a long time I thought this aspect of church life negated any whisperings of call-to-ordained-ministry I thought I was hearing…until a wise mentor pointed out that “Forewarned is forearmed” (pastorally speaking). So, here I am, six years later, and conflict stewardship has become a bit of a hobby of mine. Here are some “how insults may be a path to wisdom” realizations I’ve picked up along the way…do they make sense?
* God may be saying to me: “You’re doing something right.” Sometimes sticking to a course of action will indeed mean frustrating “the right people” (connecting with a group of co-workers who know the history, characters and systems is super-helpful for discerning this).
* God may be saying to me: “You could be doing something better.” I try to liken insults, conflict, and so on to a headwind pushing against an airplane…used the right way, it can be an opportunity to rise higher, with a better knowledge of communication (Is a breakdown happening?), or maybe pastoral care (Is there an unaddressed deeper pastoral in the other person?) Changing the analogy somewhat, I’ve found it helpful to ask when I’m feeling like a lightning rod, “Where’s the electricity really being generated?”
* God may be saying to me: “This is an opportunity for you to grow.” Maybe this conflict is a clue that there’s an unaddressed deeper pastoral need in myself…what’s the hook/vulnerability that’s making me so preoccupied with this situation?
Generally, I find that these situations (though super-tough at times) can be opportunities for character development, especially with building resilience in my trust-muscle that I really can let go and let God. I’ve found the Apostle Paul’s take on (especially his attitude toward) a painful-for-many-reasons-situation helpful: “Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message. At my first defence, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (2 Timothy 4:14-18).
“How are insults a path to wisdom? Are they?”
Insults are indeed a path to wisdom. I am learning and striving to be able to bless those that have (I feel) insulted me. What is an insult afterall but an attack on our vanity? An insult does not harm us yet when we realize that the harm we feel from an insult is our vanity then that is the first step towards wisdom.
Vanity lets us (and condones) our lashing out at those who have ‘wronged’ us with insults. Vanity tells us that the words they leveled against us has a power over us so we must defend ourselves lest we be harmed.
I hope I can come to a place when I realize that there is no insult but only my perception of injurious words.