Being Perfect: it’s not your job. Being Public: it is.
Chelsey wrote this in her comment on “Tattoos on the Soul”:
Most of the time, “tattoos” (both in the real, ink on the body, and in the experiential, things that have marked me in life, sense) are extremely personal; but their messages are extremely public. How do we balance these two extremes that seem to represent so many aspects of the ministry?
I’ve heard several variations on the theme of this question. Often, people are concerned about the pressure that comes with the calling to ministry. When you live a life of ministry, you lead. When you lead, people look at you. When people look at you, they critique and measure. They call it like they see it – inflating your head with praise or popping your spirit with criticism.
In a sermon that she delivered to young people contemplating their calling to ministry, Barbara Brown Taylor shared a conversation that she’d had with a respected pastor and professor:
One day I told him that my biggest fear about ordination was the perfection thing—impersonating Jesus in front of a whole lot of people who would see right through me—and he said, “Oh lovey, that’s not your job. If you decide to do this, then you’re not promising to be perfect. You’re just consenting to be visible—to let other people watch you while you try to figure out what real life is all about.”
“On This Rock” in Awakened to a Calling: Reflections on the Vocation of Ministry. Nashville: Abingdon. 2005, pp. 55-56.
This is the reality. The public eye is a part of ministry. If you are sensing a call to ministry – or are acting on this call, ask yourself, are you attracted to this spotlight? Are you afraid of it? Is there a clash between your private and public selves? Are you ready to submit your life to Christ and to lead others in this submission?
What are your thoughts on this call to the public life? What is the place of the private self in ministry? I’m eager to hear your thoughts… your wisdom.
I think people out there won’t care so much how perfect we are or how much we know well our business in ministry until they know and experience how much we care for them. We might not be perfectly skilled in our preaching, we might not be perfectly well in how we converse, talk, and discuss with people, we might not be perfectly in tune with how things should be in our ministry, but one thing that people will at once recognize is our care and compassion for them. I believe what we need in our ministry is the kind of heart that Jesus had during his ministry in Matthew 9:36. If we care for our people, if we have such a compassion for the flock, won’t we strive for the best we could be? Won’t we dare to pray wholeheartedly in tears with bended knee to God, “Give me this people, or let me die”?
“When people look at you, they critique and measure. They call it like they see it”…for sure! I’ve learned that feedback is so intensely subjective. And people “shoot first and (maybe) ask questions later” and rationalize it as “just being honest.”
As a pastor, a tricky thing for me to get used to has been the fact that some people think, “If it comes from the pulpit, it must be an endorsement.” For example, I got into hot water for mentioning excerpts from the Simpsons, Dr Phil, etc.
I thought I was pretty clear that I was using these in the context of “the way things are not supposed to be” (a.k.a. “Trouble in the World” for my Calvin Sem friends). My teens and young adults really seemed to connect. Yet, e.g., I got blasted: “I do NOT appreciate your preaching about the Simpsons. It is a vulgar show. I do NOT allow it to be watched in my home. I do NOT appreciate you endorsing it from the pulpit!” (Heavy sigh).
I’m not sure if these count as wisdom, but here are some coping skills I’ve picked up:
1. It’s tough at times to do, but I try to remember not to take flak personally. As my dad likes to say, “It’s hard not to step on toes when some peoples’ toes are ten feet long.”
2. I’ve learned to ask, “Thanks for letting me know. Help me understand…” (I tend to cool down, the other person tends to cool down, both of us usually learn, and rapport is usually built/enhanced)
3. I’ve posted this line by Keith Green on my screen saver at church: “Just keep doing your best, and pray that it’s blessed…let Jesus take care of the rest!”
Another childhood song is coming to mind… (to the tune of Jingle Bells)… cheesy, I know, but it comes to mind.
J-O-Y, J-O-Y, This is what it means!
Jesus first, yourself last, and others in between…
Love Jesus.
Love others.
Love yourself.
And if we can just get that balance right… if we can just look at others through the eyes of Christ… if we can just look at ourselves (!) through the eyes of Christ… if we can just place Jesus at the center of our sermons, our conversations, our ministry, then there will be grace in abundance when we stumble and when others stumble.
Thanks, Amos the (In?)famous and Doug, for your thoughts on this… bless you.
Perhaps this is moving on to a new topic, but one of the things that kept skipping across my mind as I read these comments was the position of authority we have as leaders in the church. Considering the experiences I’ve been having this summer doing pulpit supply and talking with other classmates in their early twenties, I’ve been struck with how young I feel when I’m not in the pulpit but serving in a authoritative role. The act of preaching is a different experience altogether of course, but afterwards, while speaking with congregants, etc., I can’t help but feel like I’m not the leader with authority that I was while I led the worship service. I can’t deny my age, and in essence, it is one of the “tattoos” that I wear that people are quick to critique and remember.
I know that we get our authority from Scripture and from Christ, and that the Bible includes wonderful promises of how people of all ages are used to spread the gospel. But there is definitely something to be said about wisdom coming with age, right? What are people’s thoughts on age and authority?
This is a great question, Chelsey… I had a poignant experience of ‘who-in-the-world-am-I-to-be-in-this-pastoral-role-right-now?’ while serving as a student chaplain in a hospital one summer. I was called to the ICU room of a man who was dying. I was petrified - partly because this man was dying right across the hall from where my first husband had died as the result of car-accident injuries a few years prior.
I walked into the room and felt incredibly young and incredibly female. I imagined that the grieving family was expecting an older man and so, as my mind pitched and fretted - looking for a modicum of confidence, I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind: “I just want to tell you that my husband died in a room right across the hall…” I thought that was my ‘in,’ but the moment the words left my lips I knew that my efforts were useless. I felt stupid and relieved at the same time. What I had said fell on deaf ears. They didn’t care if my husband had died! It was their brother and son dying in that bed. My husband and my story bore no relevance to them.
They were looking for God - no more and no less. And I was the hands and feet of Christ right then - and that was it.
They weren’t looking for age or gender - or for someone who had been through what they had been through. The simple fact that I was a pastor was enough. Humbling and encouraging at the same time.
Anyway, that’s my little story of floundering around for a sense of authority… I think that it takes a while to live into the clothes of the authority that comes with our calling.
But the question of authority is broad and deep - - - any others have thoughts on this? I’m going to refer to this discussion thread in my next post so that others might tune in and contribute…
Hi again…I’d like to accept our blog-moderator’s invitation and follow-up on Chelsey’s comment on age and authority. Chelsey asks, “But there is definitely something to be said about wisdom coming with age, right? What are people’s thoughts on age and authority?”
Great questions, Chelsey! Your after-the-worship-service example reminds me of my wife’s experiences. She works as a school psychologist, and as she drove off and headed back to work this morning I wondered how many more examples she’ll come home with this year of parents looking at her quizzically (even skeptically and suspiciously), assuming she is a college intern (even though she graduated…well…I’ll just say “a number of” years ago).
Anyways, here are some initial thoughts about age and authority:
a. it doesn’t matter. This morning I also read a statistic that “experience” rated #4 (around 16%) on a survey of “what men looked for in a boss” (authority figure)…way below “setting a good example” (rated #1) and other non-age-related factors. So, be encouraged that your positive experiences of conveying authority in the pulpit –the major way congregants will experience you, BTW– are more transferable to your congregants than you may realize.
Also, “transference” can be your friend since many people will view you though lenses of their previous, positive experiences of other pastors. I recall experiencing this vividly after a funeral (and after a grand total of three weeks of ordained ministry). I was chatting casually with a lady who could have been my grandmother, if not my great-grandmother. All of a sudden something “clicked” in her awareness, and suddenly she stood ramrod straight, gasped, and as she offered me her hand she smiled and whispered in very formal Dutch, “Bent U…de dominee?” (= something like, “Sir, are you…the Reverend?”).
Whooooa.
By the intensity of her expression I could tell she was no longer talking to “me” so much as “a composite of my colleagues” who had given intense blessings to her. (Unfortunately, transference can also be a real pest since there are others who have had intensely _negative_ experiences with authority…that’s for another blog thread, probably)
b. it does matter. You’re right, there is something to be said about wisdom coming with age. True, my chat with the lady was early in my ordained ministry. I should also say that ordained ministry has been a new vocation for me after more than ten years beyond finishing university. Looking back, I am _so_ glad I have that previous experience under my belt. I think about my brief stint as a part-time campus chaplain’s assistant during my junior year and realizing, “There is _no way_ I could do this full-time.” I didn’t have the confidence generally, nor with people specifically.
Based on what I’ve heard from others (and on my own experience) working on being teachable and keeping track of transferable experiences/life lessons will go a long way to help you to learn about yourself and to work well with other people (which = ministry generally as well). That’s what transforms knowledge and education (especially the “formal” kind) into wisdom, I think…bringing proficiency, confidence to learn and grow from new things, (with lots of just plain doing your best, praying that it’s blessed, and letting Jesus take care of the rest)…and, yes, developing more effective authority as a leader along the way.
Just some initial thoughts…I hope they were helpful. BTW based on your comment I presume you’re heading back to class this month? If so, all the best…and make sure you take CPE before you graduate! (I have a hunch that our blog-moderator would agree…)
I’m coming in from a completely different playing field than anyone here. I’m only just starting on this journey towards ordination - doing my third year of my undergraduate - and yet I find myself asking the same question as Chelsey does. I catch myself doing quick mental calculations - okay, so I’m 20 now…2 years of undergrad, 3 of seminary…whoa…I could be preaching by the time I’m 25?! It honestly petrifies me. Now, I know that this reference to scripture doesn’t solve all problems, but whenever I catch my mind wandering down that path of self doubt I’m reminded of Paul telling Timothy “don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example in life, in love and in purity” (that may not be a direct quote…). So, I guess that it really is about setting an example as Doug’s stats showed… And yet all I can think is, “Paul…it’s SO much easier said than done!”. But isn’t it true? I mean, sure, I may not have the life experience of half my congregation but if God calls you to do something, He’ll equip you with the proper wisdom and knowledge you need. Aside from that, I guess it’s just a live and learn experience.
Hi again!
During my research for a sermon on 1 Timothy 4:12, I came across this thoughtful and thought-provoking article along the same lines as what we’ve been talking about…
* Here’s the intro…
Pulpit Confessions (Leadership Journal)
April 1, 2001
We’re all sinners. Even preachers. Everyone knows that. But how much should we reveal in the pulpit about our own struggles? In this era of self-disclosure, pastors debate whether personal revelations help the congregation or hinder them.
These preachers have very different approaches, for very good reasons.
Todd Hahn pastors a postmodern congregation of young believers and seekers.
Alberto Guerra pastors a suburban Hispanic church.
Joe Stowell ministers to college students at Chicago’s historic Moody Bible Institute.
* And here’s the link in case you’re interested in reading more :
http://www.ctlibrary.com/9615
Blessings!